Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
