Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
