I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my being single is dangerous.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
