Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize