i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
