why didn't you poke me back
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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