About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
