I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
