So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
