You work out of a Hotel?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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