Duck Duck Cougar?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My feet surprised me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
