Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
