I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
