Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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