it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
