I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
