Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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