I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
