its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
