Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
