Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
3pm strippers are depressing
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
