so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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