There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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