Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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