I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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