he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
