if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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