I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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