: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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