Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
