Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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