somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My breasts were aching with rage.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
