How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize