Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
