Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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