guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sober January is a disaster.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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