i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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