is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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