we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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