I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i think i just lost a toe
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
