What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
