just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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