wakey wakey hands off snakey
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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