Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
