I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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