OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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