we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
