Barsexuality is the new black.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
