dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
