Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
