i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
