I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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