I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
