I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A+ Viking dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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