I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize