I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
