Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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