You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
