I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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