I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
