I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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