I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
