I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize