Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You ate ashes out of my bong
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
