She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
