DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
