After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
