I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
oh god the rape fog is back!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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