He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize