So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
