it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize