Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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