the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
