thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
