yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
