Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
