do herpes really smell.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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