so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
