You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
