Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
