he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
