Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
