TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
high people should be assigned attendants
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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