my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
